She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And then he peed in my hair
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