Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
