Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
