In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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