yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
