just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
