tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
