Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
