so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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