I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
