She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
