was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
