Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
