I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
