Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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