he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
