And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
