4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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