Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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