Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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