just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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