the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
