if you like me you must not know who I am
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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