UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
