haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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