Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
