Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
