Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
