Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
