when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
