take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
