he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
