Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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