And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
