he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
