is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
