Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
