You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
