so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
