the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
