Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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