i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
