then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
