I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
