i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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