We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
