I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
