Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
