he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
