those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
